Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
