Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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