I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
