dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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