there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
