we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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