Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
