First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
