Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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