In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
