don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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