i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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