lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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