they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
