he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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