ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
