Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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