Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
