It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
