getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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