he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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