I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
