There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
