my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
