Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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