my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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