i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
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For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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