Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
