Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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