New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize