That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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