Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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