Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
