"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
