i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She bit a glass in half.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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