Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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