Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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