The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
