On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
