I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
