Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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