yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
