There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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