I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
