Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
