She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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