hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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