My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
