it wasn't lemon gatorade
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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