I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
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I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
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Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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