dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
