I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
