I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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