I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
