i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I intend to get homeless drunk
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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