I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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