she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
