Reggie can tackle my bush.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
