Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
