Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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