We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
