Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
