It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
