I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
