i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
