you lied. pity sex is amazing.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
