Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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