I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
