Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
