just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
