Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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