This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
