Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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