whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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