I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
