After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
